I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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