I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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