he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
