so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
