apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
