i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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