Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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