i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize