is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
