i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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