DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
