You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Help. Why am I so naked?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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