one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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