Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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