You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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