I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
