So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
