RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
