i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
zippers are such a cool invention
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
