I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
