my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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