R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Pants 0. Shit 1.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
