that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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