i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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