She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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