i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
