He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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