I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
