i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
