i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
