Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
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He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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