Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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