Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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