I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
