my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
