i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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