In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
