if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize