chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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