My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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