Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
