well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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