Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
