Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
