: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize