Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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