i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
