i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
