my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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