I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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