the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i would one night stand the shit outta him
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
