So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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