I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
