I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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