I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
