she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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