The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
