he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
