Quick, to the slutcave!
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
