one might say we're banned from that church
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
