Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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