the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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