So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
