dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
