Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
