Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
