i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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