It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize