You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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