whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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